sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
