Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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