nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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