I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
