I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
