my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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