I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
