Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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