i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
