I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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