Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
