it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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