I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
