whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
