at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
