pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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