I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
