Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize