Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
