That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
