Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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