Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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