Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
