My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
