He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
