I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
