One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
