is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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