kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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