I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
