So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize