Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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