ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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