id be glad to
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
