fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
