What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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