The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
