just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
