You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize