the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
