I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
how does that bad decision feel?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize