Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
