Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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