In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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