I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
should my penis look like a turkey
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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