god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
