I want to have your abortion
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
