I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
