Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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