my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
