if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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