Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
