plz talk dirty to me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
