Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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