if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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