My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
