I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
