i think i have herpe
just one?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
