just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
