You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can I color on your dick again?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
