i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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