Nicole vs. Life
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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