the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
