yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have post one night stand depression
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