i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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