Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
