ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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